have been passively suicidal for many years. before it was mostly my brain fucking with me and partly my circumstances. now the circumstances are getting worse. my idea of a good time used to be desserts and movies at home but that doesn't bring me joy anymore. should I start going to clubs and hang out with dumb but fun people? maybe start drinking? I can get addicted to things easy so this could ruin everything but also everything feels like it's ruined anyway so why not? I need to have one week where I wake up in the morning and not have dread be the first thing I feel, I don't mind trading that for a hangover i remember reading this girls story whose brother killed himself and at the end of the story she said she would rather he have maxxed out credit cards doing coke in Argentina or something. so there is a point when this is acceptable. and since my depression is not clinical but circumstance induced, doing stupid reckless shit hasn't lost its appeal to me. you can tell me things will get better and I won't dismiss you because for all I know they will but it will take so much time and effort and help but I'm so fucking tired don't tell me to go to therapy I cannot afford it and I'm not going to take pills because I don't have clinical depression I don't have any mental disorder the solution to my life getting better is my life getting better
is it okay to throw yourself into hedonism when you feel like there's nothing left for you :
Anonymous :
8 days ago :
No.8846
> maybe start drinking? .... I need to have one week where I wake up in the morning and not have dread be the first thing I feel
this might actually be the worst plan I've ever heard in my life
Anonymous :
8 days ago :
No.8853
>>8855
>>8853
in response to
4) for me it's constant contemplation of suicide without having the constitution to actually follow through
5d) I have been distracting myself by drowning myself in fiction but it's not working now, which is why I mentioned taking up drinking
7) validation, solidarity, hope that someone may share a solution that could fix my life (on that note, thank you >>8854 i will try what you have suggested)
1) Yes, it is.
2) No, it's not.
3) A hangover isn't actually what you should fear from being an alcoholic.
4) What does "passively suicidal" actually mean?
5) Yes, you should hang out with fun, but dumb people.
5a) Sometimes, they are smarter than you think.
5b) In some ways, they are smarter than you.
5c) They might not be too.
5d) I think it's better to distract yourself in times of insanity.
6) Do people ever say things like, "I would have rather he maxed out credit cards doing coke" without the permanence of death?
7) Why did you write this?
Anonymous :
8 days ago :
No.8854
>>8855
>>8853
in response to
4) for me it's constant contemplation of suicide without having the constitution to actually follow through
5d) I have been distracting myself by drowning myself in fiction but it's not working now, which is why I mentioned taking up drinking
7) validation, solidarity, hope that someone may share a solution that could fix my life (on that note, thank you >>8854 i will try what you have suggested)
The first of the behaviors and habits that slowly got me out of my decade-long "slump" was deciding to do something new every day.
It opens a different door each day, not knowing what is behind. At some point, a solution might enter; if not, at least, some light comes in.
Anonymous :
8 days ago :
No.8855
>>8860
>>8855
4) do you think contemplation of suicide means you "want" to do it? for instance, is it possible you are simply just observing it, worrying about it, but not desiring it?
5d) in writing fiction or just reading fiction? what kind of fiction? i understand the call of the bottle, because it is all-encompassing.
7) what do you think a "fix" entails?
>>8853
1) Yes, it is.
2) No, it's not.
3) A hangover isn't actually what you should fear from being an alcoholic.
4) What does "passively suicidal" actually mean?
5) Yes, you should hang out with fun, but dumb people.
5a) Sometimes, they are smarter than you think.
5b) In some ways, they are smarter than you.
5c) They might not be too.
5d) I think it's better to distract yourself in times of insanity.
6) Do people ever say things like, "I would have rather he maxed out credit cards doing coke" without the permanence of death?
7) Why did you write this?
in response to
4) for me it's constant contemplation of suicide without having the constitution to actually follow through
5d) I have been distracting myself by drowning myself in fiction but it's not working now, which is why I mentioned taking up drinking
7) validation, solidarity, hope that someone may share a solution that could fix my life (on that note, thank you >>8854The first of the behaviors and habits that slowly got me out of my decade-long "slump" was deciding to do something new every day.
It opens a different door each day, not knowing what is behind. At some point, a solution might enter; if not, at least, some light comes in.
i will try what you have suggested)
If you're going to throw away your life to pursue hedonism it is VITAL that you do it in a low cost of living country. Move to China or something
>>8855
>>8853
in response to
4) for me it's constant contemplation of suicide without having the constitution to actually follow through
5d) I have been distracting myself by drowning myself in fiction but it's not working now, which is why I mentioned taking up drinking
7) validation, solidarity, hope that someone may share a solution that could fix my life (on that note, thank you >>8854 i will try what you have suggested)
4) do you think contemplation of suicide means you "want" to do it? for instance, is it possible you are simply just observing it, worrying about it, but not desiring it?
5d) in writing fiction or just reading fiction? what kind of fiction? i understand the call of the bottle, because it is all-encompassing.
7) what do you think a "fix" entails?