I’ve used adderall as a coping mechanism for the last few years, following a BPD-style breakdown that crushed my life. I had the social life of my dreams, lost my mind, and destroyed it all. In the time since, I’ve gotten insanely addicted, taking WILD doses just so I can lay in bed and play video games all day. I have always prided myself on my self awareness. I am aware that adderall gives me the ability to complete tasks I otherwise wouldn’t have had the willpower to even start. But I have not noticed any differences in my ability to socialize. Apparently - others have. When I inevitably run out early from double dosing, there’s always a few days each month where I can’t take any adderall. And on those days, people treat me normally. The way I remember being treated. I don’t know what it is that makes me so hateworthy when I’m on it. I work as hard as possible. I do everything I can. People absolutely fucking detest me. I don’t know what I do wrong. Maybe it’s something in my face, my mannerisms, my choice of words. Something like that changes. I can’t detect it. I was always a little spergy, as most of us here are, I’m sure - but people liked me nonetheless. I think I have to stop. I’m terrified. My doses have been insane. It’s going to be a long road back to normalcy. Rewiring my brain. Being normal again. The days after you stop 100mg+ are crushing. You can hardly move. I hope it IS the meds that’ve got me fucked up, and not something else I haven’t realized yet. I hope that quitting would make me normal again. But I’m worried. What if I quit, if I lose this ability to have unstoppable willpower - and nothing changes? It feels so good. I’ve done so much. I’ve read so much and learned so much and the euphoria is insane. Hard to admit that this probably shouldn’t be legal. It’s meth. I’m a meth addict. Jesus.
Jesse :
10 days ago :
No.11098
>>11102
>>11098
Yea this sounds like tweaker paranoia more than a "real" effect. I mean, tweakers also start acting funny and shifty once they in the grips of a bender, but rarely in a particularly disagreeable way (unless they think you're trying to poison them or that you hate them for no reason). However, it's insanely common, even for people taking "therapeutic" doses of stimulants, to become anxious and obsessive. I read an interesting article once about how stimulant induced "bug and skin" type psychosis (thinking bugs are in your skin, thinking there is something wrong with your skin, etc) is even common (or, more common than you might think) in therapeutic dose stimulant users and can occur without other psychotic symptoms, making it difficult to manage because the user does not think themselves to be suffering any delusion.
Maybe the combination of a shitton of stims and (presumably?) sleep deprivation has you acting tweaked out and jittery?
Anyways, you should definitely taper off, at least to a lower dose if not zero. 100 mg a day is crazy
>>11098
Maybe the combination of a shitton of stims and (presumably?) sleep deprivation has you acting tweaked out and jittery?
Anyways, you should definitely taper off, at least to a lower dose if not zero. 100 mg a day is crazy
Yea this sounds like tweaker paranoia more than a "real" effect. I mean, tweakers also start acting funny and shifty once they in the grips of a bender, but rarely in a particularly disagreeable way (unless they think you're trying to poison them or that you hate them for no reason). However, it's insanely common, even for people taking "therapeutic" doses of stimulants, to become anxious and obsessive. I read an interesting article once about how stimulant induced "bug and skin" type psychosis (thinking bugs are in your skin, thinking there is something wrong with your skin, etc) is even common (or, more common than you might think) in therapeutic dose stimulant users and can occur without other psychotic symptoms, making it difficult to manage because the user does not think themselves to be suffering any delusion.
My cat knows when I'm stoned, does that count? She just gives me 'that look'